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19 November 2014 @ 11:42 am
Sick as a Doornail (Short Story)  

"“Jesus, Dean. What all did you take?”

A/N: I’d like to thank my beta, Sue Pokorny, for helping me get all my ducks on the same page!

A/N: As ever, I must acknowledge my wonderful husband, Brian, for helping me post to LJ because I’m too much of a nincompoop to do so; though, to be fair (since this was such a short story), I really did try.  But...nupe...had to get help, anyway.  Oi.  Hey, there are just too many "clicky-things".  It's confusing!  He also inspired the end of the story.  So big “thags” to him for that as well. 

Sick as a Doornail

“Jesus, Dean.  What all did you take?” 

Sam shakes his brother with one hand, inspects the medicine bottles and boxes littering the table with the other.  Dean lurches up from the laptop where he’d face-planted, pulls a long strand of drool with him until it snaps and hits him in the lip.  A pyramid of used tissues collapses, tumbles to the floor.

“Dun’ feel so good, Sabby.  Quid shakin’, wouldja?”

“You’re high as a kite, Dean.  Nyquil, Robitussin, Theraflu and whiskey?  Are you out of your mind?  Get up and go to bed.  You’re not gonna get over the flu if you keep pushing yourself like this.”  He points to the computer screen.

“I’b workin’ here…godda find that dick, Dick.  The dick.  People are droppin’ like hotcakes, Sabby.”

People are—drop—hot—what?” Sam stumbles over his words, stops, swallows some air and chooses to ignore the whole thing.  He plows ahead.  “Dude, Frank’s workin’ on it.  He’ll call us if there’s any news.  Give it a rest for tonight.  Come on, get up.”

Dean shrugs out from under Sam’s grip.  “Hold your cows.  I’ll go t’bed when I’b damb good and ready.  And I’b not ready.”

“Uh, ‘Horses’, Dean.”

“Th’fuck you talkin’ ‘bout?”

“You’re mixing your idioms.  It’s either ‘Hold your horses’ or ‘Wait ‘til the cows come home’, one or the other but not both.  You’re confused.”  Sam places a hand on his brother’s forehead, feels the fever radiating off of him.

Dean dusts Sam’s hand off, scowls at his brother with a slack jaw and glassy eye.  “What kinna asshat game you smokin,’?”

“Dude, you just did it ag—” Sam stops, rolls his eyes, composes himself.  “Just—just never mind.
Whatever you say, Dean.  Come on.   Let me help you get to bed.”


“Quit what, Dean?”

Dean grabs a tissue, gives the end a haughty twist and shoves the pinched portion up his nostril, plugging it.  The rest dangles and quivers while he talks.  “I’b not the sharpest penny in the toolshed, but I’b not an idiot.  I know when I’b being paganized.”

Sam’s sucks in a breath, flutters his lashes while he prays to the ceiling for patience.  When his jaw stops pulsing, he says, “I think you mean ‘patronized’.”

“Well, as long as you adbit it, I guess I’b manly edough to forget.”

“No, wait—what?  Dude, that’s not what I s—”  Sam’s shoulders slump, nostrils flare.  “Umm, you know what, Dean?  Never mind.  You’re clearly not up for this conversation.  Now will you please let me get you on your feet and help you over to the bed?”

Dean shakes him off.  “Take a flying hike, dude.  I don’ godda jump at the drop of a pin just ‘cause you say 'Boo'.”

‘Hat’, Dean.”

Dean does a bobble-headed double-take.  “Dude…you sick or somethin’?  You’re talkin’ dodsense.”

“The expression is ‘Drop of a hat’ or ‘So quiet you could hear a pin drop’.   That’s all I’m saying.  You’ve got a pretty high fever, Dean, and you need sleep.  Trust me, I know you, man.  You’ll feel much better after a good night’s rest.”

“Know me?  You dun’ know me from a stick in the mud, pal.  I’b fine.”

Sam releases a long, wheezing sigh, pinches the bridge of his nose and counts to ten—twice.



“The saying is ‘You don’t know me from Adam’ or ‘Don’t be a stick in the mud’.”

“Adam?  Great, thags for the reminder, bitch.  Like I need that on my conscience, too.  As if Bobby isn’t edough.”

“Okay, that’s it, you’re done.”  Sam reaches under this brother’s armpits, bodily lifts him to his feet.

“Hey!  Watchoo doon’?”  Dean totters and sways, gives no help to Sam who staggers under his dead weight.

“Bed.  Now.  Dean.”

“Well, you’re up a shitty tree without a paddle, bub.  I’b stayin’ pud.”

Sam hoists his brother into a fireman’s carry.  Dean woofs and his tissue-nose-plug flies through the air like a missile. “It’s ‘shit creek’.”  Sam carries Dean to the bed.

“You list’nin’ to yourself, Sabby?  You’re delirious.”

“That makes two of us, then.”  Sam folds at the waist, drops Dean onto the bed.  The fevered man curls in on himself, uses his cheek to dig a trench into his pillow.  Sam reaches over and pulls the blanket off his bed, covers his brother, tucks the ends around him.  “There.  Now, was that so damn hard?  You’ll feel better in the morning, you’ll see.”

Dean puffs out a hot breath.  “Don’ coun’ your sour grapes before they hatch.  I still feel like shit.”

‘Chickens’, Dean.”

Dean opens one eye, closes it again.  “I’b not the chicken.  You’re the chicken…”  His muttering trails off, “…chicken.”

Sam rubs his brother’s back. “Get some sleep.”

“I hate habbin’ the flu, Sabby, but this feels kinna nice.”  Dean relaxes under Sam’s soothing hand.  Another moment, a few more rubs and Dean falls asleep, snores loudly around his stuffy nose.

A wisp of a smile creases the corners of Sam’s mouth.  He winks, bends close to his brother’s ear, whispers, “Well there you go, Dean.  I guess the saying’s true: ‘Every lemon has a silver lining’, right?”

Dean twitches, smacks his gums, mutters in his sleep, “It's 'cloud’, y'dumb-hole.”

Sam groans.  "Ass."

The End
phoenixnzphoenixnz on November 19th, 2014 06:09 pm (UTC)
OMG, Dean is hilarious when he's sick. *g* Great job.
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 19th, 2014 08:10 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed!

jennyjennygeee on November 19th, 2014 07:14 pm (UTC)
hehe this Dean is adorable! I want to wrap him up in a blanket and feed him soup!

Lovely to see this from you, I don't usually read short stories but when I saw it was from you i had to - I'm pleased I did as it put a smile on my face, thank you!
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 19th, 2014 08:13 pm (UTC)
Aw, you're so sweet, Jenny! I'm not much for short-short stories, either. But, and I hope this will please you, the story came about because I am writing a much longer, Dean-centric piece, and I needed to think of a few "malaphors" for him to say. I wound up going nuts and thinking of too many! So, this little story came to me as a way to use them. Hee, I couldn't resist.

The longer story is coming, though! It'll be a while, but I'm workin'!


(no subject) - jennygeee on November 19th, 2014 09:04 pm (UTC) (Expand)
JJ1564jj1564 on November 19th, 2014 07:35 pm (UTC)
Aw poorly Dean is so cute and amusing!! I love how he mixed up his idioms and it made me chuckle at the end when he corrected Sam!
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 19th, 2014 08:14 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much, JJ! I'm tickled you liked this one. It's not often that "quicky" stories come to me!


(Deleted comment)
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 20th, 2014 02:26 am (UTC)
You are just TOO darned sweet for words. Thank you so much for the double shot iof encouragement. I'm beaming!


San Antonio Roseramblin_rosie on November 19th, 2014 11:18 pm (UTC)
*SNERK* Oh, Dean. ♥
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 20th, 2014 02:27 am (UTC)
Haha! Indeed!!! Oh Dean...

Thanks so much for reading and taking the time to comment. It means the world. :)

thruterryseyesthruterryseyes on November 20th, 2014 12:46 am (UTC)
How nice to read a plain old sick Dean story! YAY!
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 20th, 2014 02:29 am (UTC)
Right? A simple head-cold, light case of eczema, hangnail...whatever....Dean is always precious...and I'm always all over it.

Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate it so, so much.

tifachingtifaching on November 20th, 2014 02:40 am (UTC)
Hahahaha, paganized! LOLOLOL Good to see new fic from you, BB! Love sick out of it, idiom mangling Dean and poor caretaker, Sam.
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 20th, 2014 03:03 am (UTC)
Awwwww...thank you T! Though, I have to give complete credit where it's due. The "paganized" line was my husband's idea. I had some other not-nearly-as-funny word there. He made the right call. God bless him. ;)

I'm tickled you liked this.

/big sloppy hugs!

lidia1991_anlidia1991_an on November 20th, 2014 03:29 am (UTC)

Adorable sick Dean! Well done as usual!!!!!!!! Glad you are back!

sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 20th, 2014 04:22 am (UTC)
Yay! I'm so glad you like,darlin! Sick!Dean is really one of my favorites. Couldn't resist.



gluisa88gluisa88 on November 21st, 2014 12:34 am (UTC)
lol that's adorable!! :P
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 21st, 2014 01:53 am (UTC)
Awww...thanks so much, sweetie! I'm tickled you liked it. I was in the mood for some loopy!Dean. Heh.

Somersomer on November 22nd, 2014 08:21 pm (UTC)
Aaahaahahaha, this was awesome :D Sick, stubborn Dean is just the cutest and most hilarious thing EVER!!! And poor Sam, trying to be patient! Perfect. Loved it :)
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 22nd, 2014 11:37 pm (UTC)
Hehe! Thank you so much. So glad it tickles the right place for you. I always imagine Dean being both adorable and a HANDFUL when he's under the weather. Couldn't resist tweaking poor Sam here. Heh.

Thanks again!

lauehime: brotherly concernlauehime on November 26th, 2014 04:46 am (UTC)
So funny and sweet!! I loved Sam getting all worked up because Dean is getting his idioms wrong. He's so adorable when he's sick :) Thank you for posting, this made me feel all kinds of warm inside.
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on November 26th, 2014 01:05 pm (UTC)
Aw! I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I absolutely love loopy Dean! And caring, frustrated Sam...he's a dream come true! LOL. Too hard to pass up!

Thanks so much for reading and commenting!

aerynsun5: Mistletoe!Sam & Dean chibisaerynsun5 on December 25th, 2014 05:59 am (UTC)
Smiling here! Glad you convinced your husband to help you post this.
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on December 25th, 2014 03:31 pm (UTC)
Hah! Yeah, for some reason LJ completely outsmarts me. Thank god for husbands. ;)

Thanks so much, aeryn! This was like a little present to open on Xmas morning. Whee!

(Anonymous) on January 25th, 2015 09:19 pm (UTC)
How did I miss this. Been checking lj every so often hoping for something new from you and well... it was hiding in plain sight.
loved all the mixed up metaphors. Cant wait for more dean. You portray him so well.
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on January 25th, 2015 09:33 pm (UTC)
Aww! Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked this one.

Check back in a few weeks. I'm planning on posting a much longer, very Dean-centric story very soon. I'm almost done with it, and should start posting sometime around the middle of February.

Thanks again! :)

New story - (Anonymous) on February 1st, 2015 10:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Re: New story - sharlot1926 on February 1st, 2015 10:43 pm (UTC) (Expand)
la_distance: yellow fevera_defiance on October 5th, 2015 09:09 am (UTC)
Sick!Dean is adorable! I liked this story so much, may I translate it for russian Supernatural fans?)
sharlot1926sharlot1926 on October 5th, 2015 10:56 am (UTC)
Aw, thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sure, you can translate if you wish; though, I got to wonder how well those mixed metaphors will translate. Hee! But give it a go if you'd like. :)

(no subject) - a_defiance on October 11th, 2015 06:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - sharlot1926 on October 11th, 2015 10:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)